I have spent a good portion of my life trying to control the world around me in order for me to feel better about myself and safe and secure. The problem with living my life that way is that I spent so much energy trying to control the ‘world’ around me that I didn’t have the energy to actually enjoy and live my life. I had set the conditions of my life so that I could only be happy if certain things in my life were a certain way. This meant I spent my energy trying to control friends, co-workers, strangers, housing, family, environment, food, etc. (like I said, pretty much anything in the world around me). What I have recently learned is that if I let go of trying to control the comfort level of my life and trust that the Divine will provide what I need, I have a vast amount of energy because I’m not spending it trying to re-arrange the world! As I look back, I believe God has been trying to teach this lesson of trust and letting go for many years now. As I recognize that the Divine has been trying to teach me this for years, it is easy for me to begin to feel shame and regret for not learning this lesson earlier. I can easily get down on myself for not being smart enough or disciplined enough or aware enough or ______________ enough. You fill in the blank, I’m sure you’re as adept at criticizing yourself as I am at myself.
But this is the beauty of lessons the Divine is trying to teach us and wants us to learn. It doesn’t matter if this is the first time you’ve come across the lesson (the one the God has for you) or if you have come across it 1,000 times… now is the time to receive it. It is here before you now so that you can learn from the lesson and grow.
Sometimes we learn these lessons only to realize that we already knew this, deep within ourselves. We say, “oh yeah, I knew that. I can’t believe I forgot such a valuable principle.” It’s like finding an old toy in the attic and remembering how fond of it you were and its new all over again with that same sense of awe and fascination. Or, we learn the lesson and it blows our mind and we wonder, how have I never been confronted with this truth before? How has this never been revealed to me until now?
But whatever the circumstance, don’t play the shame game. Don’t regret that you haven’t learned it before. Just remember that the only truly important thing about the lesson is that regardless of how many times its been laid before you, now is the time to pick it up. Now is the time to learn the lesson.
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What are the lessons before you these days? What is the Divine bringing up within your heart? What life experiences have brought you to this place at this time to learn this lesson?