Do you Know what You Want?

My clients usually come to me when they know that they are ready to change their lives, but don’t know where to start.  When people find out I'm a life coach, they often tell me their own life situation and ask for suggestions. I usually ask a few questions to try to understand their situation better before offering insights and suggestions. It almost always comes down to one simple solution: helping them uncover what they truly want. I'm amazed how often people aren’t aware of what they truly want. Life has a way of happening to us instead of us happening to life. See if this is a familiar story.

Alex graduates from high school and doesn’t know exactly what he wants to do with his life. He takes some suggestions from his parents and a few people he trusts and enrolls in an undergrad program. For the first year of his undergrad work, he is undecided on his major. However, he finds some interest in one of his required courses, and decides his sophomore year to declare that field as his major. He graduates and looks for a job in that area, but they are hard to find. So, he settles for the job that he can get. At this point, he feels lucky to have a job at all. He works hard and excels within the company.

He has a desire to love someone and be loved, but has never been taught what that means or how to wisely pursue that endeavor. He does find someone that he enjoys spending his time with and that person enjoys spending time with him. Things get pretty serious. Maybe they may even have or adopt children together.

Over several years, Alex slowly begins to realize that he doesn’t love his job, isn’t sure why his relationship feels so lifeless, and begins to wonder what is missing in his life. Feeling completely restless and useless, Alex dreams of many ways of escaping. He isn’t even sure what to dream of. The dreams come and go, all the while he’s unsure if those dreams are truly what he wants, because he just knows he doesn’t want what he already has.

Sound familiar? Often times, we have very little intention about our decisions because we feel completely unaware of what we want.  Some of us have yet to ask ourselves that question at a core level. And, when we finally do, we find it difficult to get past the expectations of our parents, friends, colleagues, church, and communities to get to the depths of our own center.  We ask the question, "what should I be doing?" or "what would make me happy?" But, because we aren’t used to listening on a deeper level, we don’t get much clarity.

There is good news. Somewhere inside of us, we all know what we want. We do know what would make us happy. We can get clear on these things. And, the answers we uncover won’t require us to blow up our lives and start over. We can become extremely creative as we begin to move towards those things that we realize we truly want.

Do you know what you want? Have you uncovered your truth? Are you aware of the things that are sacred to you? Take the time and do what it takes to clear the emotional and physical space that you need to become aware. Pursue getting clear with everything that you have. You don’t have to walk away from your life to find it.  But you do have to be intentional. Start with prayer and meditation. Ask for the help you need. Find the people that you trust and feel safe with and begin sharing your heart. You will be amazed at the kind of support that the Divine will bring you.


"The more you know yourself, the more patience you have for what you see in others." - Erik Erikson

"If you want to have a life that is worth living, a life that expresses your deepest feelings and emotions and cares and dreams, you have to fight for it." - Alice Walker

"I know where I'm going and I know the truth, and I don't have to be what you want me to be. I'm free to be what I want." - Muhammad Ali