Making the Most of a bad Situation

I didn’t want to get divorced, but it happened anyway. It was ultimately out of my control. We can’t control other people or make them want us. I know that the hard way. I learned to shed a lot of lesser ‘stories’ that I would tell myself through the process of my divorce. Stories like “What’s wrong with you that she doesn’t want you? You aren’t good enough to for her love. You aren’t worth her time and effort.” None of these are true. But, it didn’t keep me from leaning into these thoughts and believing them for a time. There was one thought that I had the most difficult time shaking and it haunted me more than any other. “If we get divorced I will only see my girls for half of the rest of their childhood lives.”

I couldn’t fathom a life like that, and I knew that it would be something that I could not change. Knowing that I wouldn't be there to tuck my girls in bed every night and wake them every morning had brought me to my knees time and again.

If you don’t have children, you can still understand what I’m saying here. If you do have children, you not only understand what I’m saying, but you can feel what I’m saying deep within your core. The only outcome I was going to be ok with was the one where the mommy and daddy were with them everyday. That’s not how it turned out. And, that’s ok.

I had to accept this fact as the new norm. That didn’t mean that I couldn’t create some new realities of my own. That’s how I found happiness again, and the energy to have the greatest possible life with my daughters. I chose to be so intentional when I was with them that it would eclipse how I had been present before.   It was a choice. I was going to wring every single drop of greatness, love, and connection from our time together as I could. I couldn't go back and change the past. That was out of my control. The only choice I had was to make the most out of what I could control: the half of their childhood lives that they spent with me.

This was worth living for. This was worth dying for. I do have what it takes for that. I am enough to pull that off. I examined my life to see how I could pull it off. I had a good paying job, but at the cost of 60-80 hours a week of work. I knew that had to change. I knew if I left that job and picked up a part time gig, I could also take advantage of the opportunity to launch the mentor/life-coach program I had wanted to for so long. So that’s what I did. It took a few months to get it all lined up, but it did line up.

I knew I couldn’t have what I originally wanted, so I began to create what I wanted from my current situation. I soon began to realize that while I had been intentionally engaging connection with my daughters for years, it was only at a fraction of what I was capable of. I could be more present and it wouldn’t take a lot of effort on my part. Just awareness. So I became aware… because I chose to. I created a new story that not only empowers me, it empowers my daughters as well.

We are living from the new, more empowering story now. It’s absolutely worth it. What is your current situation in life that you have no control over? How can you create a new story and new realities from your current situation? Are you still complaining and griping about your situation or have you decided to do something about it? You have what it takes. Make the most of it.


"The real winners in life are the people who look at every situation with an expectation that they can make it work or make it better" - Barbara Pletcher

"The only way to make sense out of change is to plunge into it, move with it, and join the dance." - Alan Watts

"Life consists not in holding good cards but in playing those you hold well." - Josh Billings

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